Day late...but not a dollar short...

Yesterday was a mixed emotions day for me. I was shutting down my computer and my sister asked me did I blog? I told her know that I would handle it in the morning. At least I know she is reading.

Yesterday was the anniversary of the death of a very good friend. We dated for 3 years and even after breaking up remained very good friends. I was doing okay when I got ready for work and on the way to work. And then I got a call from his dad. We talk frequently so it wasn't as if I didn't know the call was coming. I just wasn't sure when. Let me start from the beginning...

Me and Phat Boy had dated for 3 years, as I stated before. Not long after breaking up his family started having a series of tragedies. His mother had gotten severely ill and was in ICU for a few days, she went home but got progressively worse. I got a call one September morning that she had died at home. Phat Boy had no sisters and his parents had included me as a daughter even after our breaking up. I stepped in and provided assistance with the services, doing programs, arranging the repast even helping her be removed from the home by the funeral director. UGH....that was painful.

About 8 months later, I was returning from a very wonderful retreat in Myrtle Beach when I got a call from "Dad" saying that they had to take Phat Boy to the hospital and that he wasn't doing well at all. I told him okay and that I would stop by after I went to church the following day. While I was in church they called me to tell me Phat Boy had gone into cardiac arrest and I needed to get to the hospital. When I got there he was just laying there, motionless, I squeezed his hand and got no response. It was really scary. What was even scarier was that he was in the same ICU as his mom a few months ago. I spoke with the nurse and she remembered me from visiting his mom. She told me that he was not going to make it. And this time, I believed her. I cried, and I prayed and I tried to accept that he wasn't going to be the same person. I knew in my heart that Big Poppa would have wanted to leave because if he was to live his quality of life would have been one that he would not have wanted. I had severely mixed emotions. I went home that evening and began to prepare myself for "the call". I slept lightly, around 6 the next morning I was sure that everything was okay because I had a crazy dream about him. In the dream he was ripping the tubes out of his arms and sitting up and saying that he was okay. About 30 minutes later I got "the call" that he had died around 6, so he really was okay.

The days following his death were too long, I went through the motions, helping his dad who had just lost his wife 8 months before. I was like a robot just doing things and not thinking about it. Calling friends and telling them what happened. Going over the story over and over. Then a very good friend called me, he really encouraged my heart. He told me that he never realized how quickly we take friendships for granted. We assume that because we are "young" that we would be here forever. It really helped me to make it through one of the most difficult days in my life. Because Big Poppa had not dated after our break up there was no one fighting me to get attention. Not that I wanted it. I just did what I knew had to be done. I was there for him. When the time came to say my final good bye it finally hit me. As the funeral director assisted me I felt such as sense of calm going through my body. I talked to him as I was covering him up and told him that I forgave him for not knowing how to love me as much as I wanted to be loved. And that I didn't blame him because I didn't tell him how I wanted to be loved.

2 years have passed, I spent many of days at the cemetery just talking. He was my sounding board, he would just listen, not judge, just listen. It would help me.

I thank you all for giving me a minute to share what I just did. I often talk about it, and the more that I share the more it helps me.

Talk to you guys later.

Day 1...done and over...

People keep walking past my office to see if my boss is here. I know they are going, they should just stop and ask. When they get to his office and see that it's dark they take the walk of shame back down the hall to my office. They should have stopped here first. That always give me a laugh on his first day out of the office. After today they will just keep coming to me and asking me if I can call him and ask him a question. I just say okay. I send him a list of questions and he responds to them when he gets a moment. My boss is the coolest. We have been working together for the last 7 years. We were only apart for about 14 months when he was on assignment in ATL. But we talked at least once a month than.

I reviewed a few proposals, worked on some budgets for proposal submission and then I took a much needed break and sat outside for about 45 mintues just enjoying a breath of fresh air. Some bothersome bugs kept landing on me and my book. That was a little annoying. But I didn't let them keep me from getting my air. This is convertible car day, top down and hair blowing in the wind.

We got our "Race for the Cure" t-shirts today. I am looking forward to doing the walk. This is my first. I haven't done any formal training but I have been doing loads of walking the last few weeks. Even though some of my co-workers have joined the gym, I am still getting my exercise in. I am not a gym type person, I enjoy my non-traditional workouts and my severe slacker moments. I did the personal trainer thing a few years ago, I almost killed him when he told me no potatoes and no rice. He would call my house at 5:15 AM to wake me up to meet him at the gym. A couple of times I thought I was getting over, he called and asked to speak to me, I would say she isn't in. He would tell me to get my lazy butt up before he came and dragged me out of the house. He never did but I was too scared to try him. One Saturday after skipping about a week I was at B.Smith's for brunch and I get a tap on my shoulder. It was him, I asked him if he was stalking me, he said no but he would be working me harder because I had a plate full of potatoes and waffels. After my 6 months I decided that our relationship must end and I did not renew my membership after the 1 year. I changed my schedule and went when I knew I wouldn't see him.

That was my day...I didn't drive today so I have about 3 minutes before my ride for the day is ready to roll. And she means business when it is time to go. My former ride would give me a grace period. She would change the time about 40 times before we left. HA HA...but I love her even though many mornings I was late...She loves me too. :)

Gotta go...

Have a good evening...

Okay...I missed a day...

Good Tuesday morning...I didn't get to the computer yesterday. I didn't get much done yesterday. I slept...I ate...I slept...I ate...and slept some more. Around 6 or so I got up to do some cleaning. My nieces and nephews left except 1 so there was syrup, Popsicle juice, Capri Sun juice everywhere. There were a lot of people in my house this weekend. I sacrificed my bed for my expecting sister-in-law. The sofa is comfortable when you are watching TV and fall asleep but when you intentionally sleep on it, it is the worst sleep ever.

I watched a couple of movies in between my naps, "Analyze This", "Over the Hedge", "Talladega Nights" and "Wedding Crashers". I had seen all of them before but I was just channel surfing . Talladega Nights was not on cable I was watching it in the kitchen while I was cleaning up.

Somewhere around 3:15 I was wide awake. I didn't get out of bed I just watched Nick at Nite. I didn't feel like changing the channel too much. Cable after hours is too crazy. Don't you dare fall asleep on an HBO or Cinemax movie, you are subject to wake up and see more skin than you do in the shower.

Anyway, I am at work. I am listening to "The Steve Harvey Morning Show" and trying to get going. My boss is on vacation so this is going to be an interesting week.

Talk to you guys before I leave for the day.

Holla.

Sunday....

Okay...yesterday I felt like I didn't get a lot accomplish but in actuality I did. I did some grocery shopping with my mom and made an attempt to readjust my massive shoe and clothes collection. I finally gave up and put on something cute and went out.

I spent Saturday afternoon and early evening mixing and mingling with some African American women business owners. Sharing stories and making friends. I munched on some creatively prepared food that was awesome.

This morning I went to church and had a wonderful time. I am grateful for my life, health and strength. I truly need my Sunday service to help me make it through Monday and Tuesday and when I can I go on Wednesday and Friday. I need to be grounded. Attending church helps me understand my place on this big earth. Some days it is much harder than others.

Anyway, all my nieces and nephews are here this weekend. That has been fun. Just seeing them makes me appreciate life even more. The have so much energy. I imagine my aunts said the same thing about me when I was there age. You can't tell me that my nieces and nephews are not the cutiest babies on this earth. Children are so innocent. Slightly off the subject but how on earth anyone can hurt a little child I will never know. Until they come to the knowledge of understanding their purpose on earth, they are so dependent on others doing for them. Okay I am done with that.

I am about to wrap this up for the day. Gotta get some stuff done around the house before I leave for the rest of the weekend. The kids leave their sticky fingers on everything...gotta do it before the ants come marching.

Have a good day. Holla.

Friday before a Holiday....

UGH!!!! it is 4:43 pm on the Friday before the holdiay and this office is quiet...I am making folks really nervous. The last two days I have been cleaning my office and packing things away. Folks think I am about to quit. That's funny.

Let me explain how my office looks...any piece of paper that someone doesn't want to keep in their office they find a reason for me to have it. I can leave my office and have stuff put on my desk or chair and have absolutely NO need for it. I have spent two days filing, shredding and throwing stuff away.

Next week I tackle my bosses office while he is out of town. NO, I don't have to...but it is something to keep me busy while he is gone. I have work to do but may not feel like getting in the swing of work until Wednesday or Thursday next week. I will let you know.

I have no plans for the weekend..may blog...may not...this may be reserved for my quiet time before I leave for the day and sit in traffic.

Be safe you guys...thanks.